BEST: Sending a round of drinks to a table of hot guys, and having a favorable response.
WORST: Sending a round of drinks to a table of hot guys, and receiving the following text message:
How I should have texted back: Shit. Is that really you Gabe? You have changed a lot since you were 10. Tell your mom I say hello!
What actually happened: (YELLING) “Shit Gabe, don’t tell your mom!” I run out of the bar, haul ass home, down a bottle of wine and google my high school boyfriend.
New obsession. This dude:
Here is the deal. We were hanging around outside of Last Call with Carson Daly the other night, like we always do, waiting to pick up college boys, and this guy asks us for a smoke. So as one of us is pulling out a cigarette, the other one punches him in the head and we throw him into our hatchback.
Cut to later that night, we can’t sleep so we are watching NBC when we realize…shit- we kidnapped the musical guest. At that point we remember he is still in the back of the car, so we go and let him out. Crisis avoided. Phew.
Since he was pretty effin cool about not calling the cops, we figure we can help him out little. Our new friend is playing at Hotel Cafe on March 3rd. If you live in LA you should go. But don’t tell him you know us. We are pretty sure that because we were wearing sweatsuits and hooker makeup that night, he won’t recognize us in the audience. If you live in NY- download his stuff by clicking here.
When I was about seven years old, there was a big event on our block. Word got around that Mrs. Cantinelli, over at 58 Parsonage, was going to perm Mr. Cantinelli’s hair…in the sink! None of us had ever really heard of a home perm before. The whole block was a buzz until finally, the Cantinelli’s olderst daughter, Theresa Marie, yelled from the porch that we should all come over to see. All the residents of the block gathered in their kitchen and we held our breath as Mrs. Cantinelli’s removed the towel from his head. When she did, what we saw pretty much looked exactly like Picture number 24 above. Mr. Cantinelli left Mrs. Cantinelli shortly after that and moved in with his best friend Bruno. I always wondered if that perm, and the local celebrity it brought him, was to blame for the split.
Moral: Don’t give your husband a home perm or he may end up blowing Bruno.
**TEMP CATEGORY
We are really having a hard time coming up with a new Robbie Williams-esque obsession, but because we know our Wednesday posts are like a lifeline to some of you…we thought we would bring you a new term to use instead. As defined by loyal reader Emily G….here you go:
Boob Salad
[booooooob sal-UH-d]
(should be pronounced with an Italian accent/flare. Similar to how people in Olive Garden say “Abbondanza.”)
- noun
1. A disaster created by the appearance of the dreaded third boob, created by wearing ill-fitting garments with boning, especially cheap bridesmaid dresses.
2. An exclamation shouted to a friend when one sees said friend wasted on stage - at a wedding - belting out the “Devil Went Down To Georgia” with one boob clearly hanging out of her dress.
Origin:
2006, Nantucketism; of specific orig. as per Emily Garbaccio
Screw you weather. Now our BEST* President’s Day Parade is ruined!
We have decided to use this post as an apology to anyone who has received a company shirt from us since we started making and sending out company t-shirts.
This shirt is not just for girls.
Thanks Aaron for taking time out of your busy production schedule to bring this to our attention…
So in the future please specify if you’d like us to send you the newly named: BEST* WORST UNISEX PINK (in a size medium or large)
“Meditation is terrific and all, but I’ve never heard of it helping anyone in a gang rape-type situation. Meditate on that.”
Danny McBride is a genius. We have been on his nuts since we first saw the red band Foot Fist Way trailer ten months ago. He was the best part of Tropic of Thunder. He was the heart of Pineapple Express and Foot Fist Way is a must buy (Now available on DVD)!
Now to give us a weekly dose of Danny, he has a show starting on HBO. Watch it this Sunday at 10:30pm, DVR it. Whatever. Take our word for it. You will not regret it.
Track number three Julio. Check it…
Is it just us or does the Open Hearts Collection look a hell of a lot like a well-endowed booty & boobs?
We can just hear it now…”Oh honey, this diamond encrusted tits and ass was just what I wanted! You’re the best!”
Jane Seymour you are either waaaay more hilarious than we give you credit for or a pervy actress that can’t help drawing boobies and hineys because you are sexually repressed. Either way, we are totally intrigued.
Dr. Quinn Wednesdays, anyone?
We don’t claim to be stoners. In fact, after smoking some creeper weed Eileen once convinced herself that her friend was an insane elf sent to kill her. And a “hot box” session in a rented Nissan Sentra is also to blame for Laura’s infamous freak out at L.B.I. ChowderFest ‘99. But when looking at the iPhone apps it isn’t hard to figure out that somewhere in Cupertino, a computer programmer had just finished a Michael Phelps worthy bong rip when creating this icon.
Dude, what time is it??
