Santa. Easter Bunny. Bigfoot. Condom Fairy?
Remember two weeks ago when we hinted that something BIG was coming down the pipe (that’s what she said) and that you would shit your pants it would be so fucking awesome…well the wait is finally over.

We want you to go out and spread this like the crabs you got in college from the one-night-stand who said, “I swear, I’ve never done this before.”

Here is the youtube link so you can just copy it from here, paste it into an email and send it to everyone you know, thereby helping us to blow up…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV4WDBM7N3c
Also, just think of how many people you are saving from the same STD fate you once suffered by promoting safe sex.

So we are the worst because we have not posted in a week but as is our nature, we are pointing the finger elsewhere. We talked up this killer bonus spot we shot so much that we didn’t want to post anything but the spot. But alas, stupid legal red tape has been holding it up. It is out of our hands. We are kind of over lawyers right now. Except for ours. Who, and this is on the record, is smart, handsome and worth every penny. The spot should be up by Wedensday. Here’s to hoping.

In the meantime, fate has dropped this in our hands:
The Sham-Wow dude was arrested in Miami for beating up a hooker.

Here is his best known work

Here is some of his finer work:

And here is his latest work.

To paraphrase The Huffington Post’s version of the Smoking Gun story, quick-talking Vince “Shamwow” Shlomi paid a hooker a Benjamin for “straight sex,” but then when she bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go, he had to punch her in the face a bunch of times to save his number one money-making asset. We are fully aware that there is a slap-chop joke in this. But it is really too easy. Why lower the bar of this otherwise highbrow blog?

This weekend we learned that drinking martinis and standing in 60 mph wind do not go well together.  This whole trip has been such a learning experience…like Rumspringa for the Amish.  Guess we could consider this trip our Palmspringa.

(photo credit:  Maggie Dunn)

We are hard at work here at the writing retreat.  Really, really hard.

In our exhaustive research for our new project, we came across the following video and we wanted to share it with you:

We got a late entry (JoshKoshBGosh) to our “stimulus package” rap challenge that is so hot, we decided to extend it. There are some really good ones up now and we know there are more of you out there wanting to get in on this. Make it happen (Ted, Darry, Dad…)
Read the original post and drop some rhymes on us here:
Rap Challenge Wednesday

Spoiler Alert:
BEST* is holed up at a house in Palm Springs on a writing retreat. We are calling it Palm Springsteen. It is sponsored by Screenwriter and Patron and cheese and Coppertone Sport 30+. For sponsorship opportunities email us. For photos and updates of us in the hot tub or the like, check back here as often as possible.

For all of you who think that we just sit around and drink tequila on weekday afternoons…this post is for you.

Last week we spent the day at a local highschool teaching students about production.  We came dressed in our BEST* jumpsuits and instructed the kids to refer to us as Pirate (Eileen) and Ninja (Laura).  We taught them how to start a slow burn clap, that there is a job for everyone at every skill level on set and that catering is the most important part of production.  It seemed like we really got through to them…and this email proves it.

Note:  You are…right XXXXXX, Ninjas do own Pirates…except at sea.

So wait… you are saying that I can eat nine soft boiled eggs, that won’t be over cooked or under cooked AND I can microwave the shit out of bacon too. Don’t even tell me you will put me on a mailing list for the rest of my life just for ordering this over the phone! Damn. How can I say no? You had me at baconwave. Which, as far as waves go, defnitely beats a tidal wave or the wave. Wow, I really should get some sleep.

*brought to you by the Slap Chop

How long until “stimulus package” replaces “swagger” as the most popular word in hip hop? OK, maybe it doesn’t have quite the cache that swagger does, but it is timely and we are betting it will make it into some rhymes in the near future. So here is the challenge…come up with a rhyme using “stimulus package” in it somewhere - and write it as a comment here. The best one will win a killer prize from us.

To kick it off, here is one we wrote:
I can see your stomach’s all in knots about the economic crisis
your favorite foods and grocery stores are jacking up their prices
baby, I’m going to seduce you with my fully stacked fridge
so come on wrap your hands ’round my massive stimulus package

(massive? honey please.)

We’re about to unleash some next level shit…in like two weeks. It is one part viral (in the good way…not the STD/flu way) and one part crazy sexy commercial. As soon as it is finished and airing, we will make sure you can all see it here. But in the meantime, here are some behind-the-scenes photos from the shoot. No explanation, just get excited…

What started out as a dare to prove that “Blue Angels” exist turned into a breakthrough new form of hair removal…that is if done without the flannel plaid pants.

Note: Creepy mustache not essential, but always helps to set the overall tone.