Wow. So last week we posted the following rap challenge:

“OK- an egg genie goes to whomever comes up with the best rhyme about or inspired by Susan Boyle. And you have to use her name in it at least once. Bonus points if you can get Simon Cowell in it too…”

And we got one reply… from “lefler_sagegrove.” But rather than just type out his submission, he wrote, recorded and posted a link to it. It is kind of fucking awesome.

Excerpt:
“fuck that Susan Boyle, wait no more
she’s front stage and center on the singing floor
cause Britain’s Got Talent, how about that
Simon’s overseeing with pockets so fat…”

I was going to issue a new swine flu challenge but lefler has left us so impressed that we are just gonna use this post to LINK to his myspace profile so y’all can hear “Suzie Boyle” as well as some other numbers from his catalogue, like “Pickles and Rice” for instance.

Thanks for upping the stakes Lefler. Your very gangster Egg Genie is on its way.

Really…FIVE DOLLARS?! To quote Alex the intern “That’s some shit.”

Do they just love those calendars with cats dressed and posed like people so much that they borrowed the idea for their ad? Or are they smartly and covertly advertising a pussy massage service? The first scenario warrants WORST. The second…pretty much BEST.

OK- an egg genie goes to whomever comes up with the best rhyme about or inspired by Susan Boyle. And you have to use her name in it at least once. Bonus points if you can get Simon Cowell in it too but not a mandatory. Just post your rap as a comment to this before next wedensday. Don’t let us down (we are talking to you Sniper Twins)

In case you need more musical inspiration, here are some more photos of us from our recent Palm Springs vision quest. Clearly we don’t really know how to play instruments. And clearly we should never mix peyote with bloody maries again.

photos by maggie dunn

LM: Hey, we need to increase brand awareness. Let’s go sticker bombing.
ED: OK, let’s just grab a drink first.
LM: Great

Five hours later

ED: Shitttt. We didddddn’t put annnny shtickerssss up
LM: Shitttt- leth’s sshtick em on the closssessst thingsss we can find.

The point is, we clearly we need some help with this job. Email us (bestemail@bestcompanywebsite.com) your address and we will send you a shit ton of stickers so YOU can sticker bomb strangers, your place of business, your neighborhood or your local DMV (kidding. I wouldn’t fuck with the DMV)

…as far as the Museum of Natural History is concerned anyway.

As far as groups that you can fool into thinking you are a Doctor, that one is pretty impressive. Not like when I convinced the four regular afternoon drunks at the bar I used to work at that I was a robot. That was a much easier audience to fool. All I had to do was make Small Wonder references, give them free shots and make sound effects like R2D2. Those were the days. Beep boop beep beep bdrrrnngg. (that means “another PBR Earl?”)

PS- Thanks Kurt for the rad behind the scenes museum tour, in depth desription of Horizontal Gene Transfer and doctor day pass. You made me feel smart.

Well one of us anyway. This email and photo were just sent from the half of BEST* that is currently travelling through glow worm caves on the North Island of New Zealand:

“After what sounded like a dangerous spelunking adventure through ancient Maori caves in the town of Waitomo, a beer (or 3) was needed to warm up. Curly’s Pub was the local recommendation because of the multitude of beer options on tap. It’s Thursday here in NZ. And wouldn’t you know what would be playing on the flat screens as I walked in to get my beer…”

In case you forgot why this is so significant…click here

Clearly this is a sign. Maybe we should bring Robbie Williams Wedensdays back…back for good. Although Rap Challenge Wednesdays may be more rewarding. If only there were a way to combine the two…..hmmmm (fingers tapping on desk)
See you next wedensday. (maniacal laugh)

Pretty sure if we lived anywhere near this dude, one of us would have made out with him like a decade ago.

Stick with it. About two minutes in it gets even better (that’s what he said)

On so many levels.

And you thought X-treme Tickle Me Elmo was rock bottom. Wrong. The Wolverine XL X-Treme Pizza has a pound of cheese on it. Haven’t quite figured out what that has to do with Hugh Jackman but either way, as far as product naming and marketing partenerships go this is, in the words of some dude I went to college with, “totally bigdickulous.”

Finally. Two weeks ago we issued a rap challenge. Knowing that the now overused “swagger” would soon be replaced as the most popular word dropped in rhymes, we challenged our readers to come up with some rhymes of their own, using what we predict will be the hottest new phrase: stimulus package.
Click here to see three entries.
Click here to see the fourth entry

So the time to announce the awards has arrived:
(fake applause and crowd noise)

The award for most amazing rhyming of words (real or invented) that end in “ulus” GOES TO:
Bigpony

The award for tightest rhyme that used a real word to rhyme with Package GOES TO:
Sniper Twins

The award for tightest rhyme using a made-up word to rhyme with Package GOES TO:
JoshKoshBGosh

And finally, the award for best swagger GOES TO:
2che (adtek)

That’s right. Everyone wins. That is how we roll. Email us your address to receive your amazing prize…The one and only FOREARM FORKLIFT®. Make moving easy and use proper lifting techniques with the amazing Forearm Forklift®.

Our prizes are not wackage.