Why the fuck is everyone hailing Bieber as the cutest Canadian?!  We’ve totally got Kiernan Fever!! Although, in honor of full disclosure, we follow Pat on Twitter and he follows us…we can’t say the same for Bieber.

(This is an admittedly East Coast specific post today, so all you West Coast readers will just have to suck it up…we’ll get back to you and your fragile egos on Friday.)

We are willing to overlook the whole being 21 and pretending to be 14 thing if he at least used the age advantage to wipe the field with some pop-warner ass. But they said he wasn’t even that good. Didn’t he see “17 Again” starring Zac Efron? You are supposed to use these kind of chances to right your past wrongs and make out with grown woman who are actually your ex-wife, not waste them crying over a broken necklace. Pussy.

On September 26th at 10:30pm we will be watching the man who has more white trash panache and mullet magic than our asses can handle in a thirty minute episode.

Damn, he even makes a moped look sexy.

Oh…right…13-year-old boys…good to know.

Let’s face it, this information is not altogether shocking.  For whatever reason boobies and penis jokes don’t really resonate with the 30-50 year old Literati crowd.

We learned a new term last night. And then we saw what it means. And now we wish we never learned it at all.

Want more shirt cocking? Can’t get enough of shirt cockers? Then by all means, click HERE.

Introducing the new BEST* corporate car…still waiting to get a quote on hydraulics, but we’re pretty sure in the effort to be totally “off the chain” money is no object.

Look — we appreciate the alternative pick-up approach (those eyes drawn in the O’s are adorable).  But here’s a little tip:  If a girl is willing to get past the fact that you are driving a shady, rape mobile offer her a cocktail for fucks sake.

When exiting the Target parking lot this morning we came across a sign that made us stop and think…who is going to respond to this generic yellow ad affixed to the stop sign?  That was also when we realized we would never make 10-20k per month…sigh.

…did we mention we both own iPhones?

CLICK HERE to see the scientifically sound study, complete with bar charts and line graphs.